Hi Reader!

Lately I've been pulled in a LOT of different directions.

There's the knowledge that my coaching certification is almost over and the deep desire to get my work out to more clients.

There's the craving for sugar...holiday cookies, chocolate gelt (aka coins), pastries, candies from my daughter's Halloween stash...all the things. (While also really not wanting to gain back the 35 lbs I lost this year.)

There's the pull to lay on the couch under an electric blanket and watch Stranger Things...and the impulse to declutter my entire house.

I want to take a course on astrology and transpersonal psychology...but I'm also feeling overwhelmed by all of the learning I'm constantly doing.

Also...maybe I want to start dating? But I simultaneously just want to be alone with a caramel cookie scented candle.

Tbh, holding all of these conflicting desires is hard.

One of the best parts of grad school this semester was that every Monday, I could just look at my Notion planner and see everything I needed to get done.

Now, on winter break, I'm back to the messiness of creating my business and doing whatever I want with my time. Which is freeing...but also brings up all of the internal messages about what I should be doing and how I should be feeling.

All of this inner conflict feels like the Five of Wands card in the tarot. But all the guys holding wands are different parts of myself.

I'm sharing this because I'm guessing I'm not alone in this. For most of us, it's hard to be multifaceted humans with conflicting feelings.

But you know what makes it even harder? Thinking that we're always supposed to be clear about what we want. Feeling that we're supposed to always be productive and certain and happy.

What if we could see our kaleidoscopic natures as part of what made us beautiful and interesting? (While still acknowledging how hard it is?)

This Christmas week, you might be overwhelmed with planning and also super excited.

Overjoyed to be with family but also wishing you could be alone more.

Wanting to make it magical for everyone but also...kind of resentful that no one is making it magical for you.

You could be really excited for time off...and also uncomfortable with time to just rest.

Whatever your combination of feelings is...is probably hard. And also so normal. It's both aggravating and a portal into understanding your needs.

Please hit reply and tell me what your personal Five of Wands looks like this week. What conflicting parts are you holding right now? I read every response, and I'd love to reconnect with you.

With love and inner conflict,

Daniela

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